ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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