"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
