this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
