we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I want a musical about memes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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