You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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