i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize