I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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