Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
