I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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