I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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