You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
