i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
