just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
