Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
