Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
