Me. At least after what I've been through.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
