forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize