So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
