shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
