you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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