Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
