Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
