Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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