come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
