Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
