I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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