? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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