Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
