Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
