seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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