Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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