I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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