I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
