I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
