He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
