I have demons in me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just pee around me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize