oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How does it feel to date your dad?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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