Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
