I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
