My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize