I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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