this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
