Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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