she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
