even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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