he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
