i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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