if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize