Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
