I got chris browned last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
