seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
