My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
