I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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