Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
