Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
