is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
