If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
