i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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