I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
