The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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