I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
