she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
