Me too!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
