just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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