The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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