Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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