Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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