he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
