Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
