I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize